Case Study of Fascinating Male
Just when I want to pat myself on the back for getting that one step closer to understanding the dating world, something (or someone) always takes me 10 steps back.
I was in Boston over the weekend, helping Jon bid farewell to his friends before he moves down South (haha, aka to NYC) with me. One particular friend, let’s call him Vincent, began talking to me about relationships. Namely, mine, but I quickly turned it on him out of curiosity.
The Facts:
Vincent is a 32-year-old attractive American guy who plays soccer quite well.
He dated a suitable gal for 4 years until she began dropping hints about marriage and babies, because who would want to hear about that everyday?
He has dating a hot and friendly girl whom he met on Match about 9 months ago. He takes her on trips to Barbados and Mexico at least once a month or so, and has a job that easily affords that. She doesn’t pay for ANYTHING; he’s not happy.
His ideal woman needs 3 qualities:
1. She doesn’t speak English very well
2. She fits on the back of his motorcycle
3. She looks good on the back of his motorcycle
My Confusion…
…is everywhere!
The guy is dating a gold-digger, but doesn’t really seem to notice, he just knows that he isn’t quite happy and isn’t sure whether it’s normal to be paying for everything. He also doesn’t seem to grasp that if you’re dating most women for 4+ years they will begin to think of marriage.
All that aside, the lack of communication requirements baffles me. Especially because I assumed that meant he wanted a girl who was amazing in the sack. He quickly corrected me, saying that while that would be nice, it’s not a necessary.
Maybe he’s gay? Certainly doesn’t seem to be. And men think we’re complicated…
And now, the next best thing!
16 July 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: happy endings, home, NYC, relationships, work, writing
If you hadn’t noticed, I took a 5 month hiatus from blogging. We’ll see how badly my writing has suffered because of it. But for now, a few updates:
1. Remember my last post in March when I was whining about my tiny room and the cold? Well it’s summer now, hot (finally!), and I have a 3 story townhouse with a deck! I can’t believe my luck.
2. Of course, the new place costs a bit more, which I’m able to afford because Jon is moving to Hoboken! He’ll be here on July 27th. Amazing how things turn around in 5 months…
3. Alas, I do not have a dog. And yes, I’m still aching with withdrawal every time one passes me on the street. I think pets must be more addictive than cigarettes.
4. Part of the reason I stopped blogging was that I basically gave up on my computer and its ability to function properly. Now I have a lovely one of these:
A MacBook. It’s much more capable.
5. I still have my job. Unfortunately I feel like this is something that has to be confirmed ITE. So much so that society has coined an acronym for the phrase “in this economy.” 
They say that in NYC someone is always looking for a relationship, a place to live or a job, and no one ever keeps all three for very long. I hope I’m an exception!!!
You just know
16 February 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: dating, happy endings, love, Mr. Right, romance
I’ve been avoiding this post. Partly because I’m hesitant to admit it in writing, but mostly because I’m afraid that when I do, it will sound cliche and ordinary.
But Kitty says that I must, that after writing about all of the struggles and frustrations of dating, I owe it to myself, or at least to her, to write about something that keeps me grinning and that makes all the past struggles worth it.
I’ve always thought that ‘love at first sight’ was a bunch of bollucks. How could you possibly find yourself in love with a man you’ve never spoken to? That you made eye contact with at an opportune moment? Ridiculous, really. But I have always been a bit intrigued by the variation my mom uses.
“How did you know that Dad was the one?” I would ask her.
“When you meet the right person, you just know,” she replied. This did not quite answer my question, but it had enough romantic mystery for me to accept it.
I’ve pursued love, wondering what it was like. Created it out of nothing just to know the feeling. I’ve been dragged into love, and I’ve loved people who haven’t yet learned to love themselves.
But this is different. On our first official date, I traveled to Boston on Dec. 12 to be Jon’s date at a Christmas party. As I rode back to New York City, I replayed the weekend in my head, and the phrase ‘You just know,’ kept ringing through my thoughts.
He’s smart, funny, ambitious, compassionate, and in my mind devilishly good looking. But I could say that about a number of guys. It was something about the way we interacted, in conversation, on the dance floor, snuggled up on the couch. When I think back on that weekend, I mostly remember laughing. I was either smiling or laughing the entire weekend, and I think he was too.
I immediately came home and began a list of reasons why I love him, worried that by the time I had assured myself of actually being in love with him, I would be too caught up in the overall feeling to be able to pin it down to specifics.
And then of course, he conveniently adheres to all the qualities my mom silently requires: Catholic, from a similar type of family, parents aren’t divorced, has a college degree, has a full-time job, has career goals, has a social life.
He is a man I would want to come home to after a long day at work. A man I’d love to go out dancing with in Manhattan on a warm Saturday night. A friend I could stay up talking to all night. Someone I can take home to my friends and family, with the hope that they will love him as much as I do.
We’ve fallen in love, just as I knew we would after that weekend in December. And we’ve been in exactly the same place in the relationship every step of the way. From the moment we met each other, to our first date, to where we are now, two months later. I have to wonder if there’s something in that ‘Love at first sight’ thing after all. Not sight with your eyes, but a different sort, a sight that comes from your heart, a sudden recognition between two people who will make each other happy.
Now if only we lived in the same city… (don’t worry, we’re working on that one.)
Imagining happy endings, far far away
3 December 2008
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: dating, happy endings, romance, unattainable
My imagination gets carried away, but only when there’s no chance of the romantic plot becoming reality.
I have a date on Thursday. He’s polite, handsome, an architect. We sat next to each other on a train and struck up a great conversation about books and the economy. He lives nearby and he’s perfect on paper. But I’m not really interested.
Instead of planning what to wear or wondering what I should order, contemplating whether Architect will be a good kisser…instead of that, I’m wondering when Boston will write me another email.
My imagination is only interested in inaccessible men. The Poet – my Cary Grant character with a musty library and a love for bourbon and coffee – He was too old for me and I knew it. Tall, Dark Handsome is simply unattainable by the nature of who he is. Boston, he’s too far away.
So I imagine Boston here, laughing at me with my winter hat on, but no socks on my frozen feet. He smiles, I laugh back, the plot thickens with all that stuff girls love about chick flicks. But if he were actually here, I’m afraid I might be a lot less interested.
Clearly I hate the idea of settling down right now. That’s what writing this has led me to understand. But I’m keeping the option within my grasp, just one obstacle away and everything could be perfect. As long as my imagination doesn’t get too dependent on obstacles.
Carrie got a Hollywood makeover
8 June 2008
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: dating, happy endings, Hollywood, Sex and the City, single
(Note: This may contain spoilers.)
I know I’m a little late on the Sex and the City movie review, especially considering that I saw it at midnight opening night, but I needed time to think. Since then, a couple of things have bothered me.
1. Ever wonder why no one got jealous when Carrie appointed Samantha as maid-of-honor? Is that not something that women worry about when they have three equally close friends? It does seem convenient that Miranda and Charlotte were already married, no longer maids…but in the show, in life, wouldn’t they have argued over some detail that Samantha had gotten wrong, or commented on how ridiculous it was for her to manage the bachelorette activities from 3,000 miles away?
2. The only publication Carrie was upset about after the mis-wedding was Vogue. It was the only one she grabbed in a frenzy, the only one she even showed a frown about still being single in the eye of the mass media. Is the audience expected to believe that the tabloids didn’t pick up the story? That those reporters who live for scandal passed up the rose-tinted punches in the middle of a New York street, overlooked the sex columnist whose wedding collapsed right before Vogue published her in white dresses? Highly unlikely.
Women like the story of Carrie Bradshaw because they can relate to her. Because she runs around New York cautiously, obsessively, protectively hiding behind a hat when “Single and Fabulous” prints with a question mark at the end. Because she thinks she can turn her fuck buddy into a boyfriend and doesn’t realize the gravity of her mistake until it’s too late. Because she keeps going back to Big. The best part of it all is that the show always gives a happy ending, but it’s not Hollywood style. She survives her mistakes because she has moral support from friends and the will to move on.
I loved the movie. But I wished we got a little bit more of the Carrie we could relate to and not so much Hollywood Carrie.
