A not-so-welcome distraction
1 September 2008 
I decided to meet a pompous asshole from my past for coffee, as he is the only person I really know from Kentucky in NYC right now and I hadn’t seen him yet. He’s still a pompous asshole.
Aside from all of his normal and expected smirks, interruptions, and offensive assumptions, one comment echoes in my mind as the something I would have thought would be beyond even him.
A few months ago, he started dating a close friend of mine from high school, not knowing at first that the two of us used to be very close and still kept in touch occasionally. It ended simply because he moved to New York City, something which I understand perfectly well. She came up in the conversation through something completely unrelated and he said:
“Ah yes, that was the great thing about moving to New York. I was able to have two relationships and not really have to deal with them because I knew they would be over by the end of the summer anyway. Yeah, “Susan,” she was a really nice girl.”
Obviously, Susan is not her name. But that’s not the point. How dare he??!?!?!!? First of all, just throw in there that he was having sex with two girls at once, something I had heard as a rumor but wasn’t sure whether or not to believe it until now. And then, admitting that he was not really interested and just using them for sex in those few months.
AND WORST OF ALL, he admits this to me as if I would agree, as if it’s OK, as if there’s nothing bloody wrong with it. He says this so nonchalantly as if I’m not friends with this girl, as if she and I haven’t obsessed about guys together since 7th grade.
I thought of how she raved about him the only time I saw her this summer, and then how she wanted to come stay with me so that she could visit him, and the only thing I could think to say in response to his comment was, “She’s crazy.” Which of course, came out completely wrong, and considering his self-obsessed mind, I can only assume that he thought I was trying to dissuade him from her because clearly I must want him to go for me instead.
Maybe I’m a little naive to the dating world right now, having just left a relationship, but I do not think a comment like that is the way to impress a girl, let alone continue an old friendship with a girl.
Ugh! Why did I ever decide to call him? Oh right, as a distraction from my recent roller-coaster dating decisions. Well, I guess he certainly was a distraction.
A mirror of past abuse
8 February 2008
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: abuse, dating, friendship, relationships, therapy, trust, verbal abuse
I’d been waiting for this phone call for more than a year, but when my best friend from senior year in high school finally dialed my number, I wondered why she was calling.
I was working, busy as always, and I figured she wanted an impersonal favor — her sorority had an event coming up that she wanted to put in the newspaper or could I tell her how late the bookstore was open. Instead, she wanted to talk to me. She managed to ask whether I could grab coffee with her before her voice began to falter.
Then I remembered that I’d been waiting for her to call.
She wanted to talk about Jackson. Just writing that name makes my eyes squint in anger, makes the saliva in my mouth build up with the urge to spit. I dated him for a year when I was a junior in high school. He was smart, funny, we’d been friends in Orchestra for a couple of years and he seemed like a great guy. As a boyfriend, he turned out to be manipulative and abusive. He dragged me away from everyone who cared about me, tore my life apart and shattered my self esteem.
She had lived across the street from him since she was in elementary school. She knew him well and I felt like it was difficult for her to fully understood what happened and how he hurt me.
Now she’s been through it too, and I hate it that she understands what I felt like. I hate that she’s lost and broken. And the hate that I had directed at him — which has lessoned to a strong distrust over the years — is beginning to boil all over again.
I don’t know what I’m going to say to her when I meet her for coffee in 10 minutes. But I do know that she called me, which means she has at least admitted that he’s hurting her. I hope the courage that helped her make that call can also help her get through this.
How to be human
4 February 2007 
Another weekend, another list of things to do, another stream of distractions that just make the dreaded “Must Do ASAP” list longer. Yet I continue to ignore the list, accomplishing maybe three of seven items over the weekend. What do I do instead? Nothing really, that is, nothing that looks like a valid excuse.
I went grocery shopping, and of course had to throw in that stop at Liqueur Barn to buy some wine and gobble up all the samples of Super Bowl snacks.
My roommate and I built a minuscule snowman with no eyes or face. Somehow that was worth it, especially when the young couple pulled up in front of my house, two-year-old in tow, apologetically asking if their boy could look at it, his “first snowman.” Although I wish his first snowman had been a little bit bigger, had a carrot, or even some stick arms, I was glad to help.
As much as I hate to admit it, I did Facebook. I think it’s fascinating how that has become a verb: to Facebook=to waste countless periods of time looking things about friends that a.) could be found out by hanging out with them or b.) should not be known if you would not hang out with them in the first place.
With the help of Keith’s high-tech camera, I took lots of fun pictures, justifying it because I had a photo assignment for class, but I’m sure none of the pictures will actually qualify…they were just fun.
I had plans for the evening, plans that probably would have been interesting if not fun, but they didn’t follow through. And yet, I still didn’t get to my list. Continuing to ignore it, I got coffee at Starbucks where I ran into a dear friend from high school, I drove around admiring the snow, I visited some friends I haven’t seen in awhile (and of course took more pictures).
There’s this voice in the back of my head that says, “What are you doing?! You have wasted yet another weekend. You are a double major who wants to stay on the Dean’s List. You are a student who needs to develop good work to get an internship. How can you possibly want a boyfriend when you can’t manage your time when you’re single?!…etc etc.”
I think this voice has a valid point, but it needs to relax a bit. I had a great weekend, appreciated my friends, admired and played in the snow, and still got a little bit done. No one can work all the time–it just wouldn’t be human. Taking on everything we can handle and still managing to have some fun, that’s human.
