Case Study of Fascinating Male
22 July 2009 
Just when I want to pat myself on the back for getting that one step closer to understanding the dating world, something (or someone) always takes me 10 steps back.
I was in Boston over the weekend, helping Jon bid farewell to his friends before he moves down South (haha, aka to NYC) with me. One particular friend, let’s call him Vincent, began talking to me about relationships. Namely, mine, but I quickly turned it on him out of curiosity.
The Facts:
Vincent is a 32-year-old attractive American guy who plays soccer quite well.
He dated a suitable gal for 4 years until she began dropping hints about marriage and babies, because who would want to hear about that everyday?
He has dating a hot and friendly girl whom he met on Match about 9 months ago. He takes her on trips to Barbados and Mexico at least once a month or so, and has a job that easily affords that. She doesn’t pay for ANYTHING; he’s not happy.
His ideal woman needs 3 qualities:
1. She doesn’t speak English very well
2. She fits on the back of his motorcycle
3. She looks good on the back of his motorcycle
My Confusion…
…is everywhere!
The guy is dating a gold-digger, but doesn’t really seem to notice, he just knows that he isn’t quite happy and isn’t sure whether it’s normal to be paying for everything. He also doesn’t seem to grasp that if you’re dating most women for 4+ years they will begin to think of marriage.
All that aside, the lack of communication requirements baffles me. Especially because I assumed that meant he wanted a girl who was amazing in the sack. He quickly corrected me, saying that while that would be nice, it’s not a necessary.
Maybe he’s gay? Certainly doesn’t seem to be. And men think we’re complicated…
A not-so-welcome distraction
1 September 2008 
I decided to meet a pompous asshole from my past for coffee, as he is the only person I really know from Kentucky in NYC right now and I hadn’t seen him yet. He’s still a pompous asshole.
Aside from all of his normal and expected smirks, interruptions, and offensive assumptions, one comment echoes in my mind as the something I would have thought would be beyond even him.
A few months ago, he started dating a close friend of mine from high school, not knowing at first that the two of us used to be very close and still kept in touch occasionally. It ended simply because he moved to New York City, something which I understand perfectly well. She came up in the conversation through something completely unrelated and he said:
“Ah yes, that was the great thing about moving to New York. I was able to have two relationships and not really have to deal with them because I knew they would be over by the end of the summer anyway. Yeah, “Susan,” she was a really nice girl.”
Obviously, Susan is not her name. But that’s not the point. How dare he??!?!?!!? First of all, just throw in there that he was having sex with two girls at once, something I had heard as a rumor but wasn’t sure whether or not to believe it until now. And then, admitting that he was not really interested and just using them for sex in those few months.
AND WORST OF ALL, he admits this to me as if I would agree, as if it’s OK, as if there’s nothing bloody wrong with it. He says this so nonchalantly as if I’m not friends with this girl, as if she and I haven’t obsessed about guys together since 7th grade.
I thought of how she raved about him the only time I saw her this summer, and then how she wanted to come stay with me so that she could visit him, and the only thing I could think to say in response to his comment was, “She’s crazy.” Which of course, came out completely wrong, and considering his self-obsessed mind, I can only assume that he thought I was trying to dissuade him from her because clearly I must want him to go for me instead.
Maybe I’m a little naive to the dating world right now, having just left a relationship, but I do not think a comment like that is the way to impress a girl, let alone continue an old friendship with a girl.
Ugh! Why did I ever decide to call him? Oh right, as a distraction from my recent roller-coaster dating decisions. Well, I guess he certainly was a distraction.
Parisian romance
17 February 2008
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: boundaries, damien rice, fling, France, music, Paris, raspberry beer, romance
Because of him, I listen to Damien Rice.
We were drunk off of raspberry-flavored beer, and sneaking glances at each other on the lawn in front of an ancient cathedral. The lyrics of “Blower’s Daughter” ran through our heads and despite our love of tradition and history, neither of us wanted to step out of the breeze and glaring sun to enter the static and musty church.
“Volcano” vibrated through the sunrays that followed us down the cobblestone streets of Brussels, and we chomped down on chicken from the local market. Later that night, we caught the last train back to Paris, and “Delicate” played into my ear, which was lying on his shoulder as I drifted to sleep.
Some people belong in our lives, even if they only step in for a while, because they make us grow, and they help us see things that only they could see. He taught me that I could be bewitching. He taught me to loosen up, to pee in the bushes of a French park at midnight, to romp around topless in the Mediterranean Sea at 2 in the morning, to run with him through the Parisian streets in pouring rain, laughing and singing, and stomping through puddles in flip-flops on a hot July evening.
Our relationship was a delicate one, one that could only exist as it did in Paris. We left others behind that summer, and when we returned we realized that we had gotten ahead of ourselves.
I still listen to Damien Rice. Remembering our dinners together in Europe, I cut my pizza with a knife and fork when I’m at a restaurant. And I think of him every time see Chimay in the liquor store. But he remains a musical memory.
He pops up every once and a while among our mutual friends — we smile at each other in acknowledgment of the role we each played in shaping each other’s lives and in agreement that we did well to move on while we were ahead.
“And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We’ll both forget the breeze
Most of the time“
