Protected: Unsatisfied cravings
17 January 2008
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: college, college girls, dating, love, sex
How to be human
4 February 2007 
Another weekend, another list of things to do, another stream of distractions that just make the dreaded “Must Do ASAP” list longer. Yet I continue to ignore the list, accomplishing maybe three of seven items over the weekend. What do I do instead? Nothing really, that is, nothing that looks like a valid excuse.
I went grocery shopping, and of course had to throw in that stop at Liqueur Barn to buy some wine and gobble up all the samples of Super Bowl snacks.
My roommate and I built a minuscule snowman with no eyes or face. Somehow that was worth it, especially when the young couple pulled up in front of my house, two-year-old in tow, apologetically asking if their boy could look at it, his “first snowman.” Although I wish his first snowman had been a little bit bigger, had a carrot, or even some stick arms, I was glad to help.
As much as I hate to admit it, I did Facebook. I think it’s fascinating how that has become a verb: to Facebook=to waste countless periods of time looking things about friends that a.) could be found out by hanging out with them or b.) should not be known if you would not hang out with them in the first place.
With the help of Keith’s high-tech camera, I took lots of fun pictures, justifying it because I had a photo assignment for class, but I’m sure none of the pictures will actually qualify…they were just fun.
I had plans for the evening, plans that probably would have been interesting if not fun, but they didn’t follow through. And yet, I still didn’t get to my list. Continuing to ignore it, I got coffee at Starbucks where I ran into a dear friend from high school, I drove around admiring the snow, I visited some friends I haven’t seen in awhile (and of course took more pictures).
There’s this voice in the back of my head that says, “What are you doing?! You have wasted yet another weekend. You are a double major who wants to stay on the Dean’s List. You are a student who needs to develop good work to get an internship. How can you possibly want a boyfriend when you can’t manage your time when you’re single?!…etc etc.”
I think this voice has a valid point, but it needs to relax a bit. I had a great weekend, appreciated my friends, admired and played in the snow, and still got a little bit done. No one can work all the time–it just wouldn’t be human. Taking on everything we can handle and still managing to have some fun, that’s human.
The logic behind not dating…
3 January 2007 
Perhaps an apology/explanation is in order. I realize that I sound a bit bitter, maybe too harsh on men, in some of my posts. The thing is, I’m not sure it’s all their fault, so I’m going to try to see all of this “emotional fuckwittage” (as dear Bridget would say) from a more unbiased point of view.
Dating is hard. The middle ground, that casual place between hookups and a serious, committed relationship that seems to be headed toward that dreaded m-word (yes, marriage scares me…a lot), is difficult to find and once found is difficult to maintain. For who’s to stop a few casual dates from turning into several less-casual dates and then proceeding to relationship status? The only way to stop it is to reject the next offer, which is hard whether you like the person or not. Much easier to just avoid phonecalls, etc. Or just avoid the date in the first place…
So I see that maybe it’s not the date itself that is the problem but the snowball that it starts. The future is scary. And I don’t have an answer to this problem. Relationships can drastically change a future. It’s as if commitment to a relationship has to take precedence over every other commitment: to your career, your dreams, your friends, school. It shouldn’t, but eventually it always seems to.
What I’m trying to say here is that I understand why guys don’t want to date…I empathize really. But I’m not happy with me not dating. Targeting a new boy every weekend only to realize the next day that I’m not really interested gets quite old after awhile. Surely guys can understand that; maybe they are even unhappy themselves with this non-dating culture in college. So I do the only thing I can think to do: express my opinion and hope that maybe I’ll be able to find that middle ground where I won’t let this commitment thing get out of hand and will still be able to keep my dignity.
Has dating become extinct?
I’ve been single for about 6 months. Single life has been fabulous: nights out with the girls, guiltless flirtations, more time to focus on my work. But dates? Does that word exist beyond the strange form of nut that I associate with holiday sweets? (date cake maybe? date cookies? I know there some sort of date sweet thing…) Anyway, my point is I want to figure out what a date is. And I don’t want my research to have anything to do with cookbooks.
I’ve heard that a date is when two people go to a movie or dinner or (ideally) something a bit more original to try to get to know each other. Fascinating really, this concept. I’ve seen it on movies, read about it in books, magazines are always instructing the proper way to act on a date. In the last 6 months, however, dates seem to have become extinct. Men have often complained about how they have to pay on these so-called dates. I think they must have all banded together and decided to quit them altogether. It certainly solves their financial issue.
The new-age “date” is the party invite. Instead of “Would you like to join me for dinner,” the new way to show an interest in a girl is “So, I’m going to this party on Friday, you should come.” He doesn’t offer to pick you up, once you get there there’s no guarantee that he’ll be there, if he is there there’s no guarantee that you’ll actually get to know him, and the most common conclusion is a lovely make-out session.
This method works for many people. It’s worked for me for awhile. But lately I’ve begun to wonder what a date is like. So much so that I’ve ventured so far as to suggest it to a few guys. As of yet, I’ve had no luck in that department. Lunch? Something always comes up. Coffee? He doesn’t drink coffee. (or worse, he does but just doesn’t really want it right now…) Dinner? I’m still working on getting any answer at all to this suggestion; it’s as if the very thought of dinner with a girl is too shocking to comprehend and respond to.
If it would help, I’d offer to pay for my coffee, my lunch, my dinner, because the real goal here is not to get free food and entertainment, but to get to know someone. Somehow I don’t think that’s the problem though. Guys in college, from what I’ve noticed, just don’t like the idea of a date. Hence why it is gradually slipping into nonexistence.
Perhaps I’m wrong; I really hope I am because I’d like to experience a date that’s not someone else’s on a chick flick.
