A belt and a ring
by Alice
You think we women are the only ones who get overwhelmed and freak out with that awful gut feeling that you can’t, you simply won’t be able to do the things that the Wedding Industry insists that you do to make everything perfect? The men apparently suffer too.
The more I talk about color palettes and bridal parties, decorations and venues, the more he feels the pressure to do his part, the proposal, not only perfectly, but also quickly, so that I can start with all my plans. And I get that, so I’ve stopped talking to him about it because I don’t want to put that awful pressure on him.
And now I feel disconnected. Which is wrong. The marriage/wedding/proposal is about US. And this has become about him planning a proposal and me planning a wedding without talking about anything. So I’m making it about us again. And I’m planning a surprise proposal too, and then we can plan the wedding together.
Knowing that it is important to him that he surprises me and makes a moment of it, I’m not going to steal his thunder. I’m going to propose to him after he proposes to me. I’ve decided to order a custom leather belt from an Etsy seller, with the following text hand-stamped into it:
A belt is not a ring. But with a little effort, it is never-ending. The belt is not–God forbid–sparkly, but it does hold your pants up. A belt and a ring, together? Supportive and beautiful; Sparkling and strong. From Maryland to Boston, Hoboken and beyond. This is our love. Will you marry me?
I thought about getting a ring, but a) I don’t know his ring size and the rings I liked were not re-sizable; b) I think he’d like a belt much better; and c) I really like the juxtaposition between a leather belt and an engagement ring. It’s kind of poetic.
I’m very happy with the entire plan. Please let me know what you think. I realize that it slightly questions traditional proposal etiquette, and gender expectations, but I like that. I also realize that I could propose to him instead of waiting, but I think he’s very excited about his plan and to ruin it would be crushing.
I think that is a wonderful idea, and I love the inscription (love!). Sometimes I feel a little weird about how traditional our proposal was, but it was sweet and it worked for him. I think it is AWESOME for you to take active part as well!
OMG I can’t believe this might happen soon, also!
It’s funny you were thinking about this today, because I actually read that post about the woman proposing on APW this morning, and I had a lot of thoughts about it (and how I want my proposal to happen)!
I think your plan is totally great. It sort of got to me how the person writing that post laid out how there’s this implied expectation that the guy has to surprise the girl and before that it should be assumed that he does NOT want to marry you (yet, at least) and we shouldn’t bring it up. So I decided that my significant other and I will have a conversation about when we want to be engaged, and I would like it if we went to pick out the ring together (I mean, I do have to wear it like every day for the rest of my life), and possibly split the cost (or maybe I’ll just buy him a really fancy dinner afterwords). But the idea is that we’ll be sort of proposing to each other at the same time. Kind of similar to what you’re doing! (but steve won’t get a belt. He’ll get food)
Ohh…. but that leaves the issue of him/us asking my parents (and his?). Maybe he could ask mine and I could ask his some time before the ring-buying expedition, but he’s parents might find it super weird and it’s scary!
The guy’s job really is hard!
@Katie, I actually read a comment on Offbeat Bride yesterday that touches on the asking parents thing. This girl proposed to her boyfriend, he said yes, then he asked her father, then he proposed to her, then she asked his mother! Hahaha. It was a cute story: http://offbeatbride.com/2009/01/propose-to-your-boyfriend/comment-page-3#comment-31622
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