The Stuff of Dreams
25 September 2008
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: Bareilles, fairytales, Grey's Anatomy, happily-ever-after, jane austen, love
“The first man who invented the phrase happily-ever-after should have his ass kicked so hard.”
- Grey’s Anatomy
I watched a lot of Disney movies as a child. I read a lot of fairytales and a lot of Jane Austen. And not much of anything else. I was trained to believe in happy endings.
But I’ve begun to regret that, and I wonder if my expectation of a fairytale ending has made it more difficult to appreciate anything that’s not. Or maybe I’m afraid of what happens during the decades of “happily ever after,” the part of the story that chick flicks and Disney never explore, the part of the novel that Jane Austen chose not to live.
I’ve been thinking about this for about a month, motivating myself to overcome the supposed necessity of the happy ending and live for the present. I’ve been running in time to Sarah Bareilles’ “Fairytale“, sweating to the tune of Cinderella being fed up with Prince Charming and to Snow White sneaking out at midnight, because happily-ever-after would just be boring. Everyone has off-nights and disappointments, even happy people like me.
How appropriate then, when I curled up to watch the premiere of my beloved Grey’s Anatomy, that Meredith began this season by talking about “fairytales, the stuff of dreams”.
She may whine a lot, she may change her mind about Derek with the flip of a coin and she may have that haggard look from worrying all the time. But I write about a lot of topics that are less important than the issues she whines about. I think myself in and out of life-changing decisions five times within 24 hours. And a glance into my eyes reveals that I’m constantly thinking about a million things at once. We all have our faults, and I like hers because she has them even though she’s a TV character.
Meredith is afraid of her happy ending. I’m afraid of never finding mine, or not being happy with it if I do. We want reality instead, because we’re only human. I just wish I had received better training.
Single gals
19 September 2008
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: bourbon, girlfriends, girls night, single
Quiet. And the buzz of my 5-year-old computer. Those are not the sounds I should be hearing on a Friday night when I’m single and 20 minutes outside of Manhattan.
Trouble is, I have no single girl friends. So rather than meet at a bar to gossip about our latest targets (me and the girls, that is), I’m sipping on bourbon and reading Bridget Jones, the only single gal I’ve got up here, even if she is crazy. I don’t even have Carrie Bradshaw because my DVDs are still back home, where this bourbon would have been nearly $10 cheaper.
My two closest friends up here are besotted in the best way with great guys. They listen to my woes, laugh at my awkward situations, offer good advice, but every once and a while, actually quite often, I want a girl to complain to without solution. I want her to groan with empathy when I tell a story and say, “I know exactly what you mean!”
I find myself calling home a lot, talking to Amanda, Allison, Blair (who’s not single but plays well), my sister Lucy, just so I have someone else who can agree that we are a collective mess in the dating world. But it’s not quite the same as having a girls’ night out with them on a Friday after work, drinking tequilia and chomping down chips and salsa, preparing for a night of mayhem while our other friends are out (or at home) with their boyfriends.
Meeting guys is easy. Walk into a bar, make eye contact and wait. Meeting girls, and starting from scratch nonetheless, to form friendships with trust, openness and respect, that is a challenge. I’m going to start taking Yoga classes at the Y. Hopefully that will help. 
I thought this was funny…
16 September 2008 
Non-date stress
Unfortunate discovery: Stress before non-date date much worse than stress before actual date.
In addition to all normal stress factors (make sure to dress sexy, remember perfume, apply make-up carefully with not too little and def not too much, be ready on time, and don’t stress) there is the complication of not wanting to seem like treating non-date as date.
So…dress like friend or date? Perfume? Work-type or date-type make-up? And my answer to all of these is “Uhhhhh…hmmm. Not sure.” Yet definitely should not stress, as this is just a friend-type date situation and very cas (right).
Most unfortunate plus: Guy happens to be very in tune with fashion sense. (damn).
Fortunate discovery: I love this sort of stress.
Shedding the blinders
I’ve never been good at non-exclusivity. I’ve crushed on more guys than I can count, but it’s on a linear scale. I bounce from one to the next, blinders keeping me from thinking about more than one at a time.
So now I’m a 20-minute train ride from of Manhattan, a young, blond singleton living in the number one city for singles in the nation, with a whole new sea of men to fish in. Logically, a non-exclusive situation with a smart, fun and attractive friend is perfect. As long as I can shed the blinders…
I’m really looking forward to flirting shamelessly and without guilt. Kissing too. But what is it about monogamy that is so attractive to women? I’m monogamous even when I’m single, wondering whether a particular guy will call me on Friday night, trying to figure out what his intentions are. And if a new guy shows up instead, I’m usually too worried about what happened to the first one to pay new guy much notice. Maybe it’s just too much work to try to obsess over and analyze more than one guy at a time.
In case you’re thinking that I would do well to not obsess or analyze, that I should just have fun and go with it, I beg to differ. Half the fun in dating comes from the obsessing and analyzing (not to mention that it’s the whole purpose of this blog).
I suppose I’ll just have to expend some extra brain power so that I can handle more than one guy…that is, as soon as I find at least a second one. Until then, I’ll have non-exclusive somethings with one person. haha.
