Getting Beyond the Bottom Line
24 August 2009 
I was a straight-A student, an overachiever. Graduating from college and getting an entry-level administrative position was like signing up for a year of vacation. And now I’m bored.
What does society expect to do with men and women who used to be honor students, who stayed up until 2 am every night just to finish that book and write that 5-page paper that they didn’t have time to do amidst running a desk at the daily newspaper, working at the local lawfirm or planning a community charity event for their sorority?
I’ve been here a year. I like my company, I admire my managers, and I want to make decisions beyond what time to schedule the next meeting. But how can we all expect to be promoted after a year?
Of course, I’m somewhat hesitant to jump back into my old overachieving, slightly workaholic mindset. I’ve finally started to watch TV, catch up on movies, and read books that have been on my list for quite a while. And I have fears. Can I really make it in a NYC business where I could potentially make decisions worth $1 billion in revenue? Am I ready for the risks? Do I have enough smarts and imagination to come up with the ideas before the other people around me? Because I sure don’t have the experience.
But I’m not sure I have a choice. This is the way society bred me. I’m hoping that it’s also the reason I was hired.
Case Study of Fascinating Male
Just when I want to pat myself on the back for getting that one step closer to understanding the dating world, something (or someone) always takes me 10 steps back.
I was in Boston over the weekend, helping Jon bid farewell to his friends before he moves down South (haha, aka to NYC) with me. One particular friend, let’s call him Vincent, began talking to me about relationships. Namely, mine, but I quickly turned it on him out of curiosity.
The Facts:
Vincent is a 32-year-old attractive American guy who plays soccer quite well.
He dated a suitable gal for 4 years until she began dropping hints about marriage and babies, because who would want to hear about that everyday?
He has dating a hot and friendly girl whom he met on Match about 9 months ago. He takes her on trips to Barbados and Mexico at least once a month or so, and has a job that easily affords that. She doesn’t pay for ANYTHING; he’s not happy.
His ideal woman needs 3 qualities:
1. She doesn’t speak English very well
2. She fits on the back of his motorcycle
3. She looks good on the back of his motorcycle
My Confusion…
…is everywhere!
The guy is dating a gold-digger, but doesn’t really seem to notice, he just knows that he isn’t quite happy and isn’t sure whether it’s normal to be paying for everything. He also doesn’t seem to grasp that if you’re dating most women for 4+ years they will begin to think of marriage.
All that aside, the lack of communication requirements baffles me. Especially because I assumed that meant he wanted a girl who was amazing in the sack. He quickly corrected me, saying that while that would be nice, it’s not a necessary.
Maybe he’s gay? Certainly doesn’t seem to be. And men think we’re complicated…
And now, the next best thing!
16 July 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: happy endings, home, NYC, relationships, work, writing
If you hadn’t noticed, I took a 5 month hiatus from blogging. We’ll see how badly my writing has suffered because of it. But for now, a few updates:
1. Remember my last post in March when I was whining about my tiny room and the cold? Well it’s summer now, hot (finally!), and I have a 3 story townhouse with a deck! I can’t believe my luck.
2. Of course, the new place costs a bit more, which I’m able to afford because Jon is moving to Hoboken! He’ll be here on July 27th. Amazing how things turn around in 5 months…
3. Alas, I do not have a dog. And yes, I’m still aching with withdrawal every time one passes me on the street. I think pets must be more addictive than cigarettes.
4. Part of the reason I stopped blogging was that I basically gave up on my computer and its ability to function properly. Now I have a lovely one of these:
A MacBook. It’s much more capable.
5. I still have my job. Unfortunately I feel like this is something that has to be confirmed ITE. So much so that society has coined an acronym for the phrase “in this economy.” 
They say that in NYC someone is always looking for a relationship, a place to live or a job, and no one ever keeps all three for very long. I hope I’m an exception!!!
A restless state of in-between
I have such a short attention span. I find something right in one part of my life and want everything else to immediately line up accordingly.
My current situation is lovely. I went to see a Saturday matinee on Broadway with a friend, and spent Sunday browsing odd little vintage and costume boutiques. I made ravioli cassorole that should last me at least until Wednesday, and ended the evening with a glass of wine and about 30 pages of Emma — my favorite Jane Austen book — before chatting to Jon and then falling asleep. Pretty typical weekend.
But here I am, Monday morning and it’s a snow day, which leaves me with nothing to do except contemplate my existance. Which is to say, find fault with my current situation. My room is a small disaster with too many shoes and not enough closet. I’m aching for a dog — it’s been five years since I’ve lived with one and at this stage of desperate longing, every mutt on the street sets off some dreamy soundtrack in my head as I resist reaching for him in a violation of the New Yorker way. But how could I possible condemn such an innocent creature to this room or expect my roommates to accept such a change?
Thus, I must move. But I can’t move — I don’t have quite enough money. And even if Jon were to get a place with me, then we’d have to decide on the city. (Although I think I might actually be somewhat successful in persuading him toward Hoboken) In any case, I can’t move until at least the summer because who wants to take on a move when a foot of snow could suffocate every street across the East coast on any given Monday?
I’m stuck here, in a restless state of in-between, a place that wouldn’t be that bad if I wasn’t so looking forward to the next best thing.
A practical debate
18 February 2009
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: boundaries, home, love, marriage, realistic, trust
Now that you are privy to my inner-most feelings for Jon, I have to admit that the practical side of me is just itching to cause some kind of conflict.
It began to gather troops when he said, “When we live in the same city, would we be living together or separately?”
My immediate answer was separately. His was the opposite.
My live-in rule is simple: I’d like to live by myself at some point, and I will only live with a man I’m dating if we both intend to marry each other.
Of course it would be great to see him every day, snuggle up next to him as I fall asleep, go grocery shopping and pet hunting together.
But it’s a bit of a drastic step to go from seeing each other on weekends to living with each other. And all those statistics about how most people who live together don’t end up marrying…well that’s a downer.
Then again, how many people who date in general end up marrying each other? How many people last through a long-distance relationship? The rent would be cheaper, especially in either of our high cost-of-living cities. And it would be nice to come home to someone I cared about, as opposed to two strangers I happen to live with.
So you can see how my practicalities are arguing with my sensibilities (in the olde sense of the word). In the end, I think it all comes down to one question.
If we were to live together, do I lose my bargaining tool for marriage?
A fair, practical question. But then again, do I need a bargaining tool? I’m 100 percent sure he wants to marry me and intends to propose at some point down the line. And I’m 100 percent sure that I intend to say yes when he does.
I think I just agreed with idea of living together. Please tell me I’m not crazy.
