A Girl’s Last Night Out
4 February 2010
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: friendship, letting go, marriage, sexism
I just got invited to a friend’s bachelorette party, and my first thought was, does she know about this? Does she even want this?
Because my experience in bachelorette parties involves watching snippets of Bridezillas, where angry brides-to-be go out drinking, yelling at their friends, and inevitably, their fiance enters the scene and punches a guy. Even the toned down versions of that seems somewhat creepy to me – handing out lingerie and preparing for the wedding night.
Women were having bachelorette parties because men were having bachelor parties. And I couldn’t figure out why that bothered me.
Bachelor parties give men a chance to go out and enjoy their youth and spend time with the guys before they have a wife and children and are not able to do silly, reckless (and fun) things they might have done in their single days.
And it’s fine by me for women to do that too.
But it also gives the groom a chance to celebrate his engagement to a woman he’s in love with at a time when everything is about the bride. And while it is their marriage, society has deemed that the wedding day is hers.
So to those Bridezillas who bitch and whine and moan about every piece of their extravagant weddings just because they can get away with it, because they believe that the wedding is their day more than it is their grooms’, well those grooms deserve a bachelor party. And those brides probably don’t.
But my friend, who has insisted that her wedding be a practical, fun, “messy”, little get-together, and who wants her finance to have as much fun with it as she does. She deserves an awesome bachelorette send-off.
An Ex Note
At 24, I’m at the age when friends from grade school and on are gettin hitched. My workout buddy and I were talking about it the other day when she mentioned one of her high school boyfriends had just gotten married.
Really? Wow, that would be weird.
So I took inventory. On Facebook. From middle school, two of my friends are married, three are engaged. High school, about another 5 are married and/or engaged. And I must have started hanging out with some restless, non-committal people in college because only one is married. And she isn’t even a really close friend. The point: All of them are female.
Not a single one of my ex-boyfriends or even ex-massive-crushes is engaged or married. So let’s see, that covers Andrew, Ryan, Matt W, Matt K, CJ, Jackson, Nathan, Carter, Tom, and Ed. That’s 10.
I’m not sure if that says anything about me, or even about then, for that matter. But I thought it was worth noting.
Secrets, Secrets … They’re Actually Quite Fun
24 January 2010
Filed under Uncategorized
Tags: happy endings, love, marriage, relationships, success
Shhh!
I always saw this blog as the place I come to share my secrets. It’s better than a diary, because I’m not hiding it away in the bottom of a trunk. I’m sharing it. Any stranger can happen upon it by simply hitting the next or previous button at the top of any WordPress blog.
Excitement, anger, annoyance, curiosity over things that my friends and co-workers may just roll their eyes about or that I’m too embarrassed to actually say out loud. I can share it all right here. So here it goes:
I’m secretly planning a wedding.
You could argue that every little girl is secretly planning a wedding from the moment of her first crush, the first time she ever writes her name followed by someone else’s last name, just to see what it looks like on paper. But I’m reading wedding blogs for inspiration, I’ve made a list of possible reception venues, and I’ve discussed possible themes with my boyfriend.
Yep, that’s right. He’s doing it too.
When I confessed my recent heightened interest in weddings, I expected him to give me a terrified man look, to start jokingly suggesting that he needed another year or two before having that conversation. Instead, he laughed and confessed that he’s started a guest list!
So now, every time Jon and I sit down with some bourbon and scotch, respectively, cozied up under blankets on the couch in our freezing ground-level living room, we start talking logistics. How many people in the wedding party? Who can do the invitations? The photography? And we’ve set an approximate date.
But to the public, except those who stumble upon this post, it’s a secret. So shhh! And don’t tell my parents…because he’s planning to ask them for permission!
Getting Beyond the Bottom Line
I was a straight-A student, an overachiever. Graduating from college and getting an entry-level administrative position was like signing up for a year of vacation. And now I’m bored.
What does society expect to do with men and women who used to be honor students, who stayed up until 2 am every night just to finish that book and write that 5-page paper that they didn’t have time to do amidst running a desk at the daily newspaper, working at the local lawfirm or planning a community charity event for their sorority?
I’ve been here a year. I like my company, I admire my managers, and I want to make decisions beyond what time to schedule the next meeting. But how can we all expect to be promoted after a year?
Of course, I’m somewhat hesitant to jump back into my old overachieving, slightly workaholic mindset. I’ve finally started to watch TV, catch up on movies, and read books that have been on my list for quite a while. And I have fears. Can I really make it in a NYC business where I could potentially make decisions worth $1 billion in revenue? Am I ready for the risks? Do I have enough smarts and imagination to come up with the ideas before the other people around me? Because I sure don’t have the experience.
But I’m not sure I have a choice. This is the way society bred me. I’m hoping that it’s also the reason I was hired.
Case Study of Fascinating Male
Just when I want to pat myself on the back for getting that one step closer to understanding the dating world, something (or someone) always takes me 10 steps back.
I was in Boston over the weekend, helping Jon bid farewell to his friends before he moves down South (haha, aka to NYC) with me. One particular friend, let’s call him Vincent, began talking to me about relationships. Namely, mine, but I quickly turned it on him out of curiosity.
The Facts:
Vincent is a 32-year-old attractive American guy who plays soccer quite well.
He dated a suitable gal for 4 years until she began dropping hints about marriage and babies, because who would want to hear about that everyday?
He has dating a hot and friendly girl whom he met on Match about 9 months ago. He takes her on trips to Barbados and Mexico at least once a month or so, and has a job that easily affords that. She doesn’t pay for ANYTHING; he’s not happy.
His ideal woman needs 3 qualities:
1. She doesn’t speak English very well
2. She fits on the back of his motorcycle
3. She looks good on the back of his motorcycle
My Confusion…
…is everywhere!
The guy is dating a gold-digger, but doesn’t really seem to notice, he just knows that he isn’t quite happy and isn’t sure whether it’s normal to be paying for everything. He also doesn’t seem to grasp that if you’re dating most women for 4+ years they will begin to think of marriage.
All that aside, the lack of communication requirements baffles me. Especially because I assumed that meant he wanted a girl who was amazing in the sack. He quickly corrected me, saying that while that would be nice, it’s not a necessary.
Maybe he’s gay? Certainly doesn’t seem to be. And men think we’re complicated…
